I stick to my guns on my limits, yet I do move outside my comfort zone if I truly believe the situation warrants it. Last year, when the Director first contacted me about the opportunity, I almost backed out completely when he mentioned the implied sex scene.
He told me they would work within my comfort…. One of my big hard limits is no posing with nude men, or interacting in a sexual way with a male on screen. High fives and hugs are okay, but beyond that puts me on edge unless I am REALLY comfortable being around the individual, like one of my old roommates or something. I talked to my significant other about it, and he said I should take the role anyway- he has acted in films in the past where he had to perform similar scenes with nude females. The thing I was most nervous about was screwing up the scene.
I do not have professional acting training, and I was really uncertain about my ability to get intimate with a male actor I only met once before on the prior shoot date. I felt like a sissy even having to run through the situation in my head like this…. Throughout the day, I was uneasy about making eye contact with my male counterpart. Maybe I was trying to psychoanalyze if he was looking forward to it or just as nervous as I was….
Some of the other actors were having conversations about their own personal super kinky sex escapades talking about corporal punishment and spanking to the point of bleeding and stuff… , which intrigued me but actually made me even a little more nervous to get the scene over with! The script was a little vague. I told him not to kiss me until the camera started rolling because I would have to re-do my lipstick and stuff.
After the clothed practice, the lighting people took like 20 more minutes fidgeting with the lights while I awkwardly sat on the bed. Finally after 45 or so minutes of prepping, lighting, moving the bed around, reorganizing the room, bumping into the boom mic and light switches a few times, my male counterpart stripped down to his bun-huggers and socks and sat on the bed….
The strip tease was the easy part, I do this shit all the time! Boy am I glad I am not insecure about my body…. I Seductively peeled off the shirt, gracefully teased down my tight jeans, he scooted closer is he acting or is he really turned on….
AH try not to lose it! A trick I learned from modeling with other females without bursting into laughter, is to look at their nose or eyebrows instead of into their eyes. We shot the same strip tease, him touching me, picking me up fully nude, swinging me around onto my back on the bed and kissing me lips-neck-chest like 6 or 7 times different angles, multiple takes of each angle.
I just had to block my thoughts and shut down my fear-mongering inside chatter. The crew said we did really good and everyone was super happy with the outcome. It was not an awful experience, I just had tension building up to the action happening, like when you know you have to get a shot at the doctor….
Would I do it again? Only if the film role would benefit my future career. I would probably still have anxiety at future love scenes. Once I deduced the film was legit, I agreed to take the discomfort.
If any of the cast are reading this, thank you for being professional on set! I felt respected and as comfortable in the situation as I could have been given my own personal issues and lack of experience. Have you ever signed up for something you were really nervous to follow through with? Share with me in the comments! A before and after display of an untouched photo and the photoshopped final product art piece of Kristy Jessica by artist Romen Cole. Having a passionate drive for modeling when the world says you are inadequate to succeed is like having a HUGE crush on someone who is already taken.
I would look in the mirror and see my inner beauty, some peers would even say I should try modeling. One freelance shoot led to the next, and over time I snowballed an online portfolio of sorts. I still was scared shitless of not being good enough. Sometime the lighting enhances or hides them. I was hyper focused on it. A couple of photographers mentioned it, but they still continued to hire me.
I should have realized then it was no big deal. Now I perceive photoshop as an artistic tool that can be used to enhance the artistic visual appeal of a work of art. Visual art is texture, shadows, highlights, curves, lines, and emotions. The photo on the left above is the unretouched version of a photo by the super talented Romen Cole.
He sent me the proofs and I immediately zoomed my gaze on the stretch marks. The final product photo is an amazing work of art, we stayed up past my bedtime after a long flight to capture this beautiful image. To this day it is one of my favorite images of my whole career.